I am sooooo sleepy today. Here’s why: I was lying in my bed last night, just about to close my eyes, when what should appear dangling from the ceiling above me? A daggone spider.
Well, I have this ridiculous fear of spiders. I say ridiculous, because the spider last night was so tiny that any fear reaction to it was laughable. Yet, I sat up at 100 mph, swung my body around, then realized that I was never going to find that dinky little nothing spider ever again. The wind I created from my 100 mph spin probably knocked it into oblivion.
Well, then I couldn’t get the thought out of my head of having a spider crawling on my face in the middle of the night — even this microscopic spider that I probably yeeted into another dimension. So, there I was, knowing that it actually was probably on my pillow or in my pillow or already on me — *shudders* — and so I searched for it. I didn’t have a magnifying glass handy, so I couldn’t find it. I even used a flashlight, folks. Spiders, man.
So, I ended up sleeping at the other end of my bed — it’s queen size, thank goodness — with other blankets and pillows.
I really hate my reaction to spiders. Sometimes, it is justified, like when they are gigantic, man-eating spiders in your house. But I’ll tell you the worst spider story that ever happened to me. At my last job, I somehow got designated as the bug remover and/or killer, so when there was a bug — usually a Palmetto bug — I would hear my name, and I’d kill it or get it out of the building. Somehow this “responsibility” extended to spiders.
So, I hear someone hollering my name, and I come running into the hallway to find my coworker pointing at this rather large spider. I thought, “OK, I’ll just take off my shoe and reach waaay out and hit it.” Oh man, what followed next was a mix of screams, terror, laughter and probably confusion in the rest of the building. So, I smack it, and A BILLION LITTLE TINY BABY SPIDERS COMING RUNNING OUT FROM UNDER MY SHOE. I screamed, threw my shoe and ran down the hallway. Did you know that there is a spider that carries its babies on its back? Cause I sure didn’t. Boy, did I learn a lesson that day. Here’s a video of pretty much what happened, minus the terror: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdRuKC0rLLQ
I feel like I should point out that I only kill spiders when they intrude in my space. I do not kill them outside at all. I also actually feel bad when I do, but spiders, man. You wanna hear me yell bloody murder, show me a spider. But, please, don’t. DON’T.
The main thing about spiders that freaks me out isn’t the eyes or legs, it’s the webbing. You can have a spider on your leg, sweep it away, have it stuck to you, then watch as it tries to climb up its web right toward you again. LEAVE ME ALONE! Also, I am not good at identifying what spider bites can be really dangerous, so I’ll just stick with staying away from them.
I’ve literally sat on an alligator before, but by gosh, spiders just bring out this embarrassing and unreal reaction. It’s fascinating, honestly, but I also wish I could control it.
So, until next time. Watch out for spiders.